![]() ![]() Pre-marital counselling helps with learning communication patterns, discussing finances, and discovering if they are compatible. When the two families are helping the couple, seems like interfering in-laws would be less of an issue. In these cases, families may already know each other, which makes it smoother for the couple. How can traditional marriages have better divorce statistics like arranged ones? The happiest ones that I have witnessed have been ones where the couple came from similar backgrounds, such as marrying the boy next door. Having this network can assist with this life transition. The couple then receives community support and encouragement which is sometimes lacking in traditional marriages. Elders and other higher ranking people may be a part of the match making process, so are invested in that relationship. In arranged marriages, it is two families merging together, so there is motivation to help the couple with problems that crop up in their relationship. The fireworks come later in the marriage and this may be one reason why the divorce rate is lower. They start out in neutral and as they get to know a potential partner or spouse, love grows. In arranged marriages, it is just the opposite. Some of us are guilty of not really seeing a guy as he really is, but rather focus on the sexual part of the relationship. The flame burns brightly and disillusionment can set in when the flame starts to die. In a traditional situation a young couple may fall in love and the relationship sizzles with passion. This is a more hybrid type of arranged marriage. ![]() They meet each other, check on the backgrounds, and finances before giving their blessing. When this occurs, parents on both sides then take over the arrangements. ![]() Parents are realizing that with dating sites, women in the workforce, universities, and out in the world, that some love matches are inevitable. This is not about forced marriages or child betrothals. Some match makers show a person photos of prospective partners and eliminate the definite nos. Hindus and other groups have the young people meet to determine compatibility and if they could make a go of the marriage. If these two young people do not like each other, then the match making process starts over. Muslim parents may select a potential partner, but the two talk to each other (supervised) to ensure they are comfortable with the suggested choice. The Qur’an also states that consent is required by both parties and they must meet before the wedding. It is a myth that a man and a woman do not meet until their wedding day. The parents check on potential mates’ backgrounds and more modern ones may hire a private detective. Some of the divorces in the West are due to vastly different backgrounds which become insurmountable when problems surface down the road. The young people are from the same background, educational level, class, and religion to ensure compatibility. Parents or matchmakers determine the personality traits, outlooks, interests, and temperament of a person and find a suitable mate with similar qualities. ![]() These are external forces keeping a couple together. Having a divorced offspring may bring shame to a family. Some families paid a dowry, so disentangling is more complicated. In areas where domestic abuse is higher, there may not be a support system in place for women wanting to leave their husbands. Spouses may be informally separated which would not be reflected in the divorce statistics. In some cultures, especially Asian and Middle Eastern ones, divorce is less acceptable than in the Western world. ![]()
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